I'm failing as your mom, but.....

I’m not always as good as I want to be at being your mom. I want to be great; and sometimes I am, but sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I snap when I should be sensitive.

Sometimes I mistake your pain for complaining or your sad heart for a bad attitude.

Sometimes I completely and utterly miss it. I know that I do. I watch myself miss it, and later I grieve that I didn’t respond differently.I miss it when I’m scared. I’m scared of big things and little things. I really thought adults had it all figured out, but I am one now, and it turns out we don’t. Sometimes fear snatches my heart and I can’t seem to think of anything else. I forget to relax and to enjoy you. I forget to smile and to laugh. I’m working on that.

I miss it when I’m lost. I’m struggling with my own demons, and it has nothing to do with you. Sometimes it’s anxiety or it’s depression, but it’s never, ever your fault. I will keep striving for wholeness so that when you reach those same obstacles, I can help you get back to whole. It’s easy to hang on to the negative things and forget all the positive, but I want to set the record straight.

When I look at you, I am SO. PROUD. When I look at you, I see good. I see someone who is mighty. I wonder how I have been trusted with such a treasure. Your heart is pure and soft. You are gentle and kind; you are vivacious and fierce.

I am forever your biggest cheerleader and your greatest fan.

Please keep helping me to see you and to know you. Keep telling me when I hurt your feelings. Keep sharing with me your fears and your insecurities, and we will figure it out together. I want to tell you that you are wonderful. You amaze me everyday – and as I watch you, you inspire me. You inspire me to pull out the greatness that’s inside me. In this family we will make mistakes, but we will keep doing it together and we will keep holding each other tight.

It turns out I’m never, ever, going to be perfect, but I am always and forever yours, and I’m always and forever on your team. That I can promise you.

Love Always,

Your Mom

My greatest achievement is being your mother!